“Touch provides its own language of compassion, a language that is essential to what it means to be human.”
If your child’s love language is Physical Touch, it means physical expressions communicate love to him more than Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts and Acts of Service. Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, in their book, The 5 Love Languages of Children tell us that in order to keep your child’s emotional tank full, you must speak his primary love language but it is important to use them all.
The body’s physical response to touch and the fact that Jesus healed people by touching them emphasizes to me the importance of touch. Physical Touch is a universal love language and no other form of communication is as universally understood as touch. “The compassionate touch of a hand or a reassuring hug can take away our fears, soothe our anxieties, and fill the emptiness of being lonely.” ~Randi G. Fine.
PHYSICAL ASPECTS AND RESPONSE TO TOUCH
The sense of touch gives our brains information about the environment. It helps us feel physical pain, helps us avoid injury, disease and danger. Touch also signals safety and trust. If we’re upset, it soothes us and it helps us feel emotion. Hugs are a powerful way to demonstrate the language of Physical Touch. In fact, a simple hug can activate oxytocin, the love hormone. Additionally, hugs may protect you against illness, boost your heart health and hugs make you feel happier. Studies done by Harry Harlow have shown that there is a psychological and physical stunting and even death in children who are deprived of physical contact. Infants can receive all the food needed to survive but will still fail to thrive if they don’t receive physical contact. This is why hospitals and orphanages have volunteers hold and cuddle babies who have no one to love them. The physical contact is needed for them to thrive.
The Healing Touch
Jesus performed countless miracles and some of them involved touching. To me, His HEALING TOUCH, emphasizes the importance of touch. I also want to stress that the person being healed had FAITH and believed Jesus could heal them. Let’s look at few of them.
Matthew 9:29 Two blind men were following along behind Jesus asking Him to have mercy on them. They went right into the house with Jesus where He was staying. Jesus asked them if they believed He could make them see. They both answered, “Yes Lord, we do.” They had faith and Jesus TOUCHED THEM.
Mark 1:41-42 A man with leprosy came and knelt in front of Jesus begging to be healed. He said to Jesus, “If you are willing, you can heal me and make me clean.” Moved with compassion, Jesus reached out His hand and HE TOUCHED HIM. And the man was healed.
Mark 7:31-36 Someone brought a man with a speech impediment to Jesus and begged Jesus to lay his hands on the man to heal him. Jesus, spitting on his own fingers, touched the man’s tongue and looking up to heaven, he said, “Be opened.” And the man’s tongue was freed and he was able to speak. Why? Because of his faith and because Jesus TOUCHED HIM.
Luke 8:43-48 Jesus was on his way to heal a man’s daughter and as usual, there was a crowd around him. A woman in the crowd had suffered for 12 years with constant bleeding. She went up behind Jesus and TOUCHED the fringe of his robe and she was immediately healed, the bleeding stopped.
Jesus asked, “Who touched me?” Despite the crowd, Jesus knew that someone had deliberately TOUCHED Him. The lady explained why she touched him. And Jesus said that her faith had made her whole.
Luke 18: 15-17 One day some parents brought their little children to Jesus so he could TOUCH them. But, when the disciples saw this, they scolded the parents for bothering Jesus.
But Jesus called for the children and said to the disciples, “Let the children come to me. Don’t stop them! For the Kingdom of God belongs to those who are like these children. I tell you the truth, anyone who doesn’t receive the Kingdom of God like a child will never enter it.” He took the children in his arms and placed his hands on their heads and he blessed them. HE TOUCHED THEM!
Doesn’t it stand to reason then that Physical touch is one of love’s strongest voices?
The Love Language of Physical Touch
Unfortunately, there is a sick, dark side to Physical Touch…and that is the inappropriate touch. Parents you MUST teach children that all touches are not good. Please, have this discussion with your child. It is needed in today’s world.
Margaret Atwood is right, she said, “Touch comes before sight, and before speech. It is the first language, and the last, and it ALWAYS tells the truth.” Teach your child to know the TRUTH in a touch.
Think back to your childhood. Did your parents say, “I love you”? Did they hug you? How did you know they loved you? Was it just because they made sure you were fed, clothed and all of your other need were met?
I knew that I was loved because my Father, Mother and my Grandmother “spoke” each of the love languages to me. My primary love languages are Acts of Service and Quality Time. I scored the same on both. Interestingly enough, the fondest memories I have as a child are the times we spent as a family watching Westerns. Every Friday night we sat around watching TV and eating snacks my mom made. To this day, I love Westerns and enjoy them even more when my husband or one of our kids watch them with me. Another fond memory is sitting with my Grandmother during a thunderstorm. During a thunderstorm everything was turned off and we had to sit quietly. My Grandmother and I would sit and watch the weeping willow tree in our front yard sway back and forth. Just sitting with her, watching that huge weeping willow tree sway back and forth spoke my love language…quality time. I don’t remember hearing the words, “I love you” but they probably were spoken. The important thing is, I knew I was loved because my primary love language was spoken and ALL the other love languages were met.
As you might imagine, hugs and kisses are the usual and most common way to speak the love language of Physical Touch. If you didn’t receive a lot of hugs growing up, you might feel awkward hugging your children. And if you do, I suggest you do what is needed to start hugging your child. But, if this is you, while you are adjusting to this new way of speaking your child’s primary love language, there are other ways to show love through Physical Touch.
Other ways to meet your child’s Physical Touch need (you can find a list of needs in the book The 5 Love Languages of Children:
1. Hold hands
2. A gentle pat on the back or smoothing the hair down
3. Hold your child or sit close when watching TV
4. Read your child a book and let him or her sit on your lap.
6. High five
In their book, Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell stress the importance of avoiding corporal punishment and threats with this child. They suggest using other means of discipline for a child whose primary love language is Physical touch.
Not speaking your child’s Primary love language is like eating just one type of vegetable. At some point, your body will miss certain nutrients and you will start to crave other foods. Likewise, if you don’t include your child’s primary love language, he or she will crave it and may even start to act out.
Remember, your child needs you to love him/her using ALL of the love languages. But, if Physical Touch is his primary language, you want to make sure it is included and used in your tool bag of love.
Family traditions counter alienation and confusion. They help us define who we are; they provide something steady, reliable and safe in a confusing world.
Traditions are usually formed around a person’s core beliefs and support values such as freedom, faith, integrity, a good education, personal responsibility and a strong work ethic. Traditions are based around daily events or holidays, and even around weekdays or weekends, showcasing things that are important to us.
Daniel Willingham states, “Family traditions reveal what you value enough to repeat. And, if done with love – build warm, happy associations.” Over time, we have formed a number of family traditions that reveal our values of faith, love and importance of family. They are connected with Christmas, summer vacations and school/sporting events.
OUR FAMILY TRADITIONS
Just thinking about Christmas brings about sweet memories. I personally kick Christmas off by watching Hallmark Christmas shows…alone. To this day I am teased about watching them. Now, our daughter-in-law joins me. The entire family watch the seasonal movies about the real meaning of Christmas. The Saturday after Thanksgiving we decorate the Christmas tree with ornaments that have meaning… they were made by our children, represent a special event, or was given as a special gift. And, each year we purchase the White House ornament to hang on the tree.
The big Christmas dinner takes place on Christmas Eve. For dessert, we always have a birthday cake that has “Happy Birthday Jesus” written on it and we sing, Happy Birthday to Jesus and the Christmas Eve program at church is always in order.
Each family member opens one gift. The gift is always a pair of Christmas pajamas. When the kids were little, I supplied and wrapped the Christmas Eve gift. Now, we have a friend secretly assign each adult a Secret Santa and he/she is responsible for buying the pajamas for that person. The parents buy and wrap pajamas for each of their children. The highlight of the evening is when the gift is opened, starting from youngest to oldest, and the pajamas are modeled. The funny thing is, you never know if your pajamas will be traditional or if they will be a gag gift. It is so much fun and brings about laughter throughout the year.
Breakfast is very light on Christmas day and most of the day is spent opening gifts, watching the kids play with their toys and sometimes joining in with them. Throughout it all, we remind each other of the true meaning of the season and why it is important to us.
We also have traditions tied to school and sporting events. Some of our friends told us that they would pay their children for receiving good grades. However, Dennis and I believe that the grades were their reward. So, we would look at the report cards, talk about not just the things they did well but discussed how they thought they could improve. We sealed it with a dinner out to celebrate the close of another marking period.
For the sporting events, all of us attended if the games did not conflict. If there was a conflict, we would divide up and each child was represented by a family member-cheerleader. And, we would arrange to meet up for lunch or dinner. We spent time at dinner discussing how the games went, what could be done to improve etc. The famous phrase that came out of these games was, “Talk about my game.” And it is a phrase that is still used.
Like all families, we look forward to summers and many traditions center around being together and enjoying each other’s company. We gather together for a week or so and a few things are always on the list of “things to do”. One day is set aside for a big water fight using balloons and water guns. Another day we leave early, travel to our favorite amusement park and spend the day on rides, playing games and eating all sorts of junk food and yes, this includes cotton candy. More often than not, we are there until the park closes. Another “must do” is a series of games of laser tag. We go to our local Laser Tag Game Store, and play several very competitive games of Laser Tag. The winner is always photographed and a big deal is made of it. The important thing is that it was a legitimate win. We never wanted the kids to think that they were getting something for nothing. It was never, “Everyone wins” but it was always, “Everyone has a good time.” When we moved out of the area, the first thing the grandchildren asked was, “What about our summer visits? Believe me, the tradition continues with slight modifications even though we live in a different place.
From each of these traditions, our children were learning values that were and are still important to us. Daniel Willingham statement is true, “Family traditions reveal what you value enough to repeat. And, if done with love – build warm, happy associations.” Our traditions, are done with love, and has allowed our children and grandchildren to build warm, happy associations with family.
“The more you love your children, the more they learn to love others.”
Love is a powerful emotion and is necessary in the growth and development of children. Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs lists love after food and security. Studies have shown that love makes your child physically healthier, increases your child’s brain development and it makes your child less fearful and more well-rounded. In fact, all aspects of a child’s development require a foundation of love. The question then is, how do you ensure that your child feels loved? Is telling your child everyday that you love her enough? According to Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages of Children, “Every child has a primary language of love, a way in which he or she understands a parent’s love best.”
Gary Chapman’s 5 love languages are: 1) Physical Touch 2) Words of Affirmation 3) Quality Time 4) Gifts and 5) Acts of Service. Your child will benefit from all five ways of receiving love. However, knowing your child’s primary love language will help you become more effective in meeting her emotional need for love. Each of the five love languages have actions, ways of communicating, as well as things to avoid.
The child who’s love language is Physical Touch wants hugs, pats on the back, sitting close, cuddling and even wrestling on the floor. This love language is mostly non-verbal and pleasant facial expressions communicate love to her. Furthermore, is important to avoid corporal punishment and threats with this child.
The child who’s love language is Words of Affirmation appreciates receiving written cards and letters. The best way to communicate love to her is to speak encouraging words and compliment her. Emotionally harsh words and undue criticism should be avoided.
If your child’s love language is Quality Time, spend extra time with her. Running errands, taking trips, going on walks or even just sitting and talking makes her feel loved. She will enjoy quiet times without interruptions as well as one on one conversations. For this child, avoid too much time with friends or groups and of course, avoid isolating her.
If Gifts is your child’s love language, she enjoys both giving and receiving gifts. She remembers special occasions. Private gift giving communicates love to her. Forgetting special events is something to avoid with the child who’s love language is Gifts.
A child with the love language of Acts of Service enjoys assisting with chores and helping whenever she can. Communicating love to her is a matter of asking, “What can I do for you?” She also wants to know how she can help you. She feels unloved if you break promises or ignore her.
I can’t possibly do justice to the subject of love languages in this BLOG Post. And, because this is such an important subject, I highly recommend The 5 Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman. There is a survey in the book that will help you discover your child’s love language.
It is important to speak all five love languages to your child. However, your child will crave one language more than the others. If you know the primary language and incorporate them all, your child will feel loved and will be able to love others.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
Train up a child in the way he should go
When we think in terms of something being purposeful, we think it is done with intention, not haphazard. If it is purposeful, it is calculated and deliberate. If something is not purposeful, it is aimless, thoughtless or unplanned. You should raise your children in a purposeful manner because Purposeful parenting allows you to attain your hopes and desires for your child in a deliberate and intentional manner.
Do you remember the type books you purchased when you found out you were pregnant? I remember getting books on child development, breastfeeding, sleeping habits and of course colic…just in case. Yes, even as a nurse practitioner, I poured through these books. I read and reread these books so that I would be ready when the baby arrived. I was being purposeful and planning in the areas of child development, feeding, and sleeping. But, interestingly, I didn’t have any books on parenting.
You’re probably like me and remember the day your child was born as though it was yesterday. Our first child was born on a beautiful day in February. I walked into the Raymond W. Bliss military hospital Fort Huachuca, Arizona at 12:00 PM. The doctor said that by the time the shift was over at 3:30, I would have delivered our first child.
I was ready… I had purposefully planned the nursery and it was ready. I had been very purposeful in scheduling and attending Lamaze classes. I was very purposeful in practicing the breathing for each stage of labor.
Midnight came and I still had not delivered. A lot of things were running through my mind but I can guarantee you I was not thinking about the book on parenting that I hadn’t purchased. Purposeful parenting was certainly not on my mind.
Needless to say, the time came when we realized we were going to have to get a grip on parenting. If Dennis and I were going to raise fully functional adults, who could take care of themselves and make a positive contribution to society, we would need to “parent on purpose.”
I’m sure you have heard, “Babies don’t come with manuals,” and unfortunately, they don’t. But, as Ronald Reagan said, “Within the covers of the Bible are the answers for all the problems men face.” We don’t think of our children as problems, but childhood is riddled with various challenges and it helps to know where to turn for answers.
We found the answers in the Bible and biblically based books. The Bible helped us achieve the primary purpose of parenting. It helped us parent in a deliberate and intentional manner. The Bible helped us stay focused on Purposeful Parenting.
“Everyone has a story to tell, a lesson to teach, and wisdom to share…Life is a beautiful masterpiece bound together by your experiences. Open up and share your story; become an inspiration to others. You can make a difference because you matter. You were created with purpose. Live your life with intention, go out there and make a difference by being the difference.”
I can’t tell you how many times I have heard, “You have a story that can help someone.” I believe I can help someone in some way. And, I believe God created me for a reason. What I couldn’t figure out was my story and how I was to use that to help people.
You see, I have gone to a lot of seminars, listened to a lot of self-help tapes and almost all of them had a hard-luck story or difficult challenge they overcame…they were not loved, they grew up as orphans and were mistreated, they were homeless, addicts, or survived domestic abuse. Despite these challenges, they bettered themselves and went on to help hundreds if not thousands of people. I think you get my drift. They had a story. I had nothing like this…nothing dramatic to share. Over time, I came to realize that I do have a story. A story, though not dramatic, it is still a story that could be an inspiration to others.
My life, growing up certainly was not what the world would consider glamorous. I grew up in a little mining camp in West Virginia. My Father was a coal miner and my Mother a homemaker. I was number 7 of 9 children…4 boys and 5 girls. We were not rich as far as money and material wealth go, but neither were we poor. In fact, I never heard my parents say, “We’re poor.” We had what we needed when we needed it and sometimes we even had some of our wants. What we did have was an abundance of love. We were taught to care about each other and that family is important. We learned about God’s love for us and watched our parents demonstrate faith repeatedly. We saw our parents caring for others and giving when they saw someone in need. We were taught the value of education and encouraged to do our best and never stop learning. My story, although not dramatic, is a story that gave me the foundation for parenting God’s way, a way that I can share with others.
Needless to say, my story does not stop there. Fast forward some years. After college, I joined the military and became an Army Nurse. I met my husband, Dennis at my first duty station. We were married and had 4 children…3 girls and 1 boy.
Fast forward again, to the next part of my story. Our children grew up, went to college. They all attended and graduated from The United States Military Academy at West Point. For many, during this time, it was unusual for a Black family to have 4 children graduate from West Point. After graduating, they all became officers and served their country. As people learned about our family, they would ask, “How did you do it? How did you get all of your kids to do so many good things?” Many of them would add, “You should write a book.” On more than one occasion I was told, “You should write a book.” One day, I was sitting in the airport waiting for my plane. A lady sat down and started talking. We shared things about our families and as I got up to board my plane, she said, “Has anyone told you that you need to write a book?” I told her yes and she added, “Well, do it.”
I finally paid attention during a family reunion. The minister said, “Someone in here has a book inside them and they need to write it.” Yes, that got my attention.
I remember a conversation I had with my husband about all of the people telling me that I need to write a book. He said, “The Book has already been written.” He was talking about the Bible. I realized that we had, for the most part, followed biblical principles raising our children. And, I realized that some would not open the Bible to learn how to raise their children. But, there was a great possibility that something in my story would capture their attention, and I could share the principles that guided us.
Yes, I have a story to tell, a masterpiece bound together by my experiences. It is time for me to open up and share my story and become an inspiration to others.
What is family? Some may say family consists of a group of individuals who share ties through blood, marriage, or adoption. Others might add that family is not defined by blood only, but consist of the people who support and love you, and are the people you confide in and trust. I love Marge Kennedy’s definition of family. She states, “In truth a family is what you make it. It is made strong, not by the number of heads counted at the dinner table, but by the rituals you help family members create, by the memories you share, by the commitment of time, caring, and love you show to one another, and by the hopes for the future you have as individuals.”
“In truth a family is what you make it. It is made strong, not by the number of heads counted at the dinner table, but by the rituals you help family members create, by the memories you share, by the commitment of time, caring, and love you show to one another, and by the hopes for the future you have as individuals.”
Regardless of your definition, family is the foundation of society. Needless to say, family is the single most important influence in a child’s life. It is understandable that strong successful children lead to strong families which then make up the foundation for a strong society. Therefore, it is extremely important that parents raise mentally strong children who achieve success and happiness and become the best version of themselves.
More often than not, we parent our children the way we were parented, leaving out the techniques we didn’t like. Some parents turn to books, knowing little or nothing about the author, but none the less, they are willing to follow his/her advice about parenting. Unfortunately, there are other parents who knowingly or unknowingly have a laissez faire attitude about parenting. Needless to say, this makes parenting come across as an afterthought.
For the most part, thank goodness, most children turn out okay despite parenting mistakes… because parents really do want the best for their children. But why should we leave something so important up to chance and attempt parenting in a “hit or miss” sort of way? I don’t believe we should. I believe parenting should be done in a purposeful way.
Dennis and I certainly made mistakes along the way. But when we realized that there is a book with all the instructions that we would ever need in raising children, things began to change. That book is the Bible. From it we learned how to love, support, encourage and guide our children. The Bible taught us the skills we needed to teach our children.
When children have the skills needed to deal with challenges in their lives, they flourish. These skills are taught by parents who have learned the correct way to parent. It is my desire to help parents do this by sharing our story, and the principles we followed that allowed us to raise our children who are now adults, parenting their children and contributing in a positive way to society. I want to share with you what I call Purposeful Parenting.
At various stages in your life, you may have taken a step back to reflect upon your successes. Now that you are retired or nearing retirement, you may ask yourself, “Now what?” You may even wonder if the word “success” is still a part of your life.
Motivational speakers, more often than not, describe success based on their experiences. For instance, Maya Angelou, acclaimed author, believed success is about enjoying your work. Deepak Chopra, spiritual teacher, believes success is a matter of constant growth. And then there’s the popular author, Stephen Covey’s definition of success. He states, “Success is deeply individual.” I agree with each of these definitions and can definitely see how they fit into life at any stage. As a senior, it is Earl Nightingale’s definition of success that speaks to me.
According to Earl Nightingale, “success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal. “If a man is working towards a predetermined goal and knows where he is going, that man is a success. If he’s not doing that, he’s a failure.”
He also states:
The only person who succeeds is the person who is
realizing a worthy ideal. It is the person who says, “I’m going to do this and begins to work towards that goal. A success is the person who is teaching
school because that’s what he or she wants to do.
The successful person is the women who is a wife and mother
because she wanted to become a wife and mother and is doing
a good job at it. A success is anyone who is doing
deliberately a predetermined job because that is what
he decided to do deliberately.
I am a fan of Earl Nightingale’s definition of success. His definition allows one to step out on faith towards success without the fear of failure. I deliberately work towards a worthy ideal that is defined by me and I am successful! I deliberately choose to watch for opportunities and act on them when they call my name. I deliberately choose to be me and do me…and not conform and act like everyone else. Whether it is my faith, my finances, my fashion style or my fitness, I deliberately choose not to become the stereotypical senior citizen and succumb to “old age”. I deliberately choose my worthy ideals, the course I will take and proceed accordingly. In other words, I deliberately choose to be me and do me…and not conform and act like everyone else.
What are you doing now? What do you want to do? All you have to do is set the wheels in motion, decide what your worthy ideals are, continue to pursue them and voila, you are a success. This makes success never ending…a continuous journey that is as exciting as you want it to be.
Deliberately decide on a worthy ideal…your predetermined goal. Is it to travel more? Is it to volunteer? Or is it to write that book that you were too busy to write when you were younger? It’s up to you to be deliberate and decide your success as a senior. Decide now! Don’t conform…be you. Choose your worthy ideal, proceed, and continue. You’ve got this!!!
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
As I opened up the shades this morning, I was greeted by a kaleidoscope of colors… leaves falling to the ground forming a colorful carpet on the green grass…grass, preparing to go dormant for the winter.
I love autumn! In fact, it’s my favorite season. I love the sight and sound of geese migrating, the sweet smell of the cool autumn air, watching squirrels hide their nuts and hearing the laughter of children as they tumble in the leaves. Autumn, the season when God prepares a festival of colors just before He puts His earth to sleep for a long winter’s nap. Autumn is beautiful; even though everything begins to turn brown and the trees that once held an abundance of leaves, start displaying empty branches. There’s hardly a memory of the colorful leaves they once held. But yet, the trees seem to know that in a matter of months, they will welcome new life.
As I pause to take in the wonders of nature, I am reminded of how similar our lives are to the seasons. Conception and birth up to adolescence is the springtime of our life…spring, everything blossoms and comes to life. It’s just like birthing a child and watching him/her grow and blossom as new skills are learned and developed.
Young adulthood is like summer. Summer, when we see the full beauty of nature…flowers at their peak and fruits are the sweetest. The summer of one’s life is at the highest point…achieving and making a mark.
Middle age is autumn…time to harvest and yes, time to let go. Autumn shows us the beauty of letting go. Trees don’t hold on to their leaves. It is as though they realize the beauty of releasing the old and preparing for the new. A crisp breeze blows and the leaves tumble gently to the ground.
Autumn, so amazing! We enjoy the cozy autumn days and the crisp fall nights as we prepare to welcome in winter. And as we prepare, we harvest the memories of our spring and summer years.
Remembering where we have been, and wondering what’s next in our lives can bring about concerns… concern about losing our sense of identity now that the children are gone and retirement is looming ahead… feeling as though we have placed everyone’s well-being ahead of our own, and we look to reconnect and find a sense of purpose.
Once we enter our autumn years, some may say, “It’s a wrap.” I say, “We’ve only just begun.” Yes, there comes a time in our lives when we must “wrap” things up, but we must also prepare for our winter years. Even as we prepare, we must remember that each season offers a chance to be productive. It is never too late to enjoy life regardless of the season you’re in. There is a season for everything and we must change with each season of life.
We’ve made it through spring and summer and adapted to the changes required by each. And likewise, we’ll change, adjust and enjoy autumn. We’ll enjoy sweatshirt weather, the smell of pumpkin and cinnamon spices and hearing the crunch of leaves under our feet. And yes, we’ll adjust to the empty house and enjoy retirement as we prepare to welcome the next season…winter or the season some call old age…the age of wisdom!
Gray hair is a crown of glory; it is gained in a righteous life. Proverbs: 16:31
What does it mean to have a burning desire? More importantly, what’s it to me or to you? Motivational speakers talk about it. They say that a burning desire is a major component needed to reach one’s goal.
According to Napoleon Hill, “To achieve anything you need a burning desire. Heather Buchman says, “Success starts with a burning desire inside yourself and the determination to never quit on it.” And the late great Muhammad Ali stated, “Champions aren’t made in gyms. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them…a desire, a dream, a vision.”
A burning desire is the very foundation needed to achieve a goal. I see it as the glue that holds everything together when the going gets tough. It is what keeps you focused on your goal. So, in order to succeed, you must have a burning desire…a reason to keep going.
Just as a foundation of a house must be strong, your burning desire must be also. You can’t just have a wish or a hope; it must be strong and burning. If having a burning desire is the foundation to reaching a goal, then it is important to get the burning desire right. But how does one do that?
I have been a student of personal development for years. I have read books; gone to seminars, listened to podcast…you name it, if I thought it was going to help be in my personal development, I was all ears. But, believe it or not, just recently I have come to realize that I was missing something very important…the foundation, the glue…the right burning desire.
You see, I thought I had a burning desire as I set my goals and proceeded to achieve them. Unfortunately, I continued to fall short of what I really wanted. I now see that I had a desire, but it was more like a wish or hope. You see, my desire was not based on my core values. I did not really have a burning desire.
Let me explain. I truly believe that as we set big goals for ourselves, the burning desire must reflect our values. For instance, let’s say that your goal is to obtain a large amount of money. Your burning desire to obtain this goal is so that you can buy a luxury car. You already have a car that you are satisfied with, but another one sounds nice to have.
Now let’s look at what you value. Let’s say that you are not one to get excited over cars; in fact, you see them only as a way to get you to and from places. However, when you look at your family members, mother, father, older sisters and brothers you realize how you feel when you think about being able to help them as they get older. This gives you a feeling of joy just thinking about helping them, why? Because you value family, security and stability. Your service to others, especially your family, has always been part of who you are…a part of your value system.
With this in mind, can you see how the burning desire changes? With this change, you have the foundation or the glue that will carry you when you feel like quitting. This burning desire will see you through the challenges when the going gets tough. It will keep you focused on your goal.
Decide what you value and build your burning desire around your core values. If you do this, you will have the major component, the foundation, the glue… the right burning desire…you need to keep moving towards your goal.
Intense, burning desire is the motivational force
that enables you to overcome
any obstacle and achieve almost any goal.
~ Brian Tracy
Would you agree that there are blogs for almost everything? Blogs on how to cook, how to lose weight, how to bake cookies, how to write blogs and the list goes on.
So why another blog? Well, this blog is a chronicle of my journey to success…financial success that is. It will show you what I have learned, what I need to learn, and how I implement what I learn. You will see my ups and downs.
Most of the how-to blogs that I have read on financial success are written by people who are already financially independent. This one is not your average blog…it’s different because I am not there yet…but I will be and you can too.
I’m sure you are now asking, “So, what does this do for me?” Am I right? Well, I hope to encourage you to take a journey of your own or encourage you to continue on the one you have started. Perhaps my successes as well as my struggles will be just what you need to get started or to continue. Weight loss blogs have done this so why can’t a financial success blog do the same?
My journey started years ago and this blog will cover some of the things I have been doing all these years as well as what I am doing now. I have been chasing after financial independence for as long as I can remember. But now I feel like I am moving in the right direction.
I am 68 years old. I have had several successful careers… working for someone else. My goal, even while I was working a JOB, was to be financially independent. And I really believe that working for someone else was not and is not the way for me to become financially independent.
I tried more than once to seek financial independence but somehow fell short each time (more on that later). I didn’t give up though; I just changed the vehicle so to speak. And, I never stopped learning. What I learned has led me to this point.
This blog then will serve to keep me accountable and perhaps you can learn from my mistakes. I want this blog to reinforce the fact that success is indeed a journey and one worth taking.